Saturday, February 20, 2010

Searching for HOPE in RUINS

Does it pay to know? Does it ever pay to love what you do? Will practice ever prove its worth in my life?

None of the above questions is new, but the recurrence is traumatizing. These questions have come up over and over, probably since the time I was born. How many times have I been tested at something I love to do; love it much more than all others who are being tested as well. But who turns out to be more successful, not me, of course. I fail, very often, in proving my skill at what I love, and I despise this fact.

With such frequency, I would love to give up. Won't it be so easy? Or maybe just tune yourself to ignore the results of such assessments. But is the way out? Is this in some way an indication, that I'm not completely honest to what I love? Does it mean that I need to give much more time; does it mean that I haven't given n enough so far?

It seems I've failed in my effort to please someone I love, and the one who has, will now take over. I've failed despite my stronger affection; despite my appreciation of each and every thing to do with my love, while the winner doesn't and can't do the same.

But I can't lay my weapons, can I? Having come so far following my heart, I'll be nowhere if I just let go of the dream. So I'm forced to move on. All I hope, is that the love is not lost on the way, cause the only worse thing that can now happen to me is "Losing interest and still succeeding" (though that won't be success altogether).

All I want now, and will work towards, is to show my dedication to what I love and I'm sure, I'll get back all I need in return.

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