Monday, April 19, 2010

Some lessons of life

Since the beginning of life, I have always compared. Compared marks, effort, efficiency, and what not. I've always wanted myself to be on the leading side; I even mean be the one putting in more effort but then I do expect better efficiency as well.

But this life, never works the way you want. This is something I've learned through innumerable incidents and events. But I've also learnt one thing. . . "THOU SHALL NOT COMPARE"

Before me are living examples of GOD... These are people who are way beyond the worldly worries. Nothing, absolutely nothing can push them to worry. I love to see this attitude. Some might find it irritating, some irrational. But how I see it is that it lets them concentrate on what makes them happy.

If you didn't get the importance of the last statement, let me make it more clear. This gives them the opportunity to devote 100% of their attention to what they love doing unlike most of us who's lives are occupied by things that we do just to ensure that they don't trouble us. We do most things because not doing them makes us worry.

Let me give you an example. I study some subjects just because not studying them gives me the fear of failing. But these guys don't get that fear. So such a guy would spend more time on what he likes and be happier.

I guess you get the point. I envy them, I envy their attitude, I envy their capability and I aim to be one of them. But I fear the impact of "Not comparing" on me. Will I be as happy as them and improve my performance or is it the way my brain motivates itself, to keep the challenge alive.

But once again, talking about performance, I'm coming back to the comparison.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Towards the end :: A Diary Entry

1:44 am

Why can't I revert back the arms of the clock? Why can't I correct my mistakes? Why is this world so harsh on me? WHY? WHY?

No one is here for me..No one answers one cares for me...

What can I do? No marks, no grades, no hope....this life's a complete waste...What shall I do???WHAT??

I remember how happy I used to be as a kid. No worry about anything. Everyone used to care for me, everyone loved me and everyone forgave me for my mistakes. WHY can't the same happen now? Why can't people just ignore my past?

BUT there is one way!! I can RESTART..restart as a baby..grow up to be a child again and then not make the same mistakes again...
I'm sorry mom...sorry for making you so upset...sorry for being so rude, so inconsiderate....Mom, I'm sorry for not being a good son....In the next birth I would want to be your son once again and make you happy....make you proud.

I've decided to end this life..a life that has been ruined..a life that is no more worth living. . .. Before I leave this world, I apologize for my mistakes and ask for mercy...


As I walk towards the highest point in the area, I can see the sun rising. Oh what a beautiful sight!! But alas, the last one I'm going to see in this life! Birds glide over me with their wings spread apart...making an elegant dive over the pond and then skimming over the water... I wish I could fly away like the birds. I wish I could be one of them.....

I've reached the highest point, I stand at the edge. I look surely will kill me...I close my and dad scolding me, my examination papers, my successful friends, face of one I love -- fragments of my ruined life...I must do it. This is the only way I can get away.

I take one step forward and let myself fall. . .The fall feels amazing, easier than I had imagined... Faces of friends and family flash through my shut mom's beautiful, so calming...I hold the image...I want to hold the image forever...but what is happening to her face, she's crying...why .. what happened mom? I hear her words, "Why son! Why did you leave me? Was I so harsh on you?" . .. no mom..its not your fault.. I want to see her, explain to her..and I don't want to make her cry....I want her happy...I want to make you proud mom... I DON'T WANT TO DIE... until now the fall was slow, but now I'm falling fast, very fast and I don't like it. I wish I could fly... .I flap my arms like wings but alas, I can't....Mom, I'm sorry...I really am....HELP ME ..

Newspaper Headline : Another student crumbles under pressure.

PS : Only a piece of fiction.

No clue why I wrote it and why I wanted to share it. But I know this isn't what I will ever do in my life. Hope others can say the same thing.

Monday, April 12, 2010

One year -One full circle --A tribute to JEE-09

On 12th April 2009, I gave the most important exam of my life; so important that I've devoted many of my blog-articles in memory of the exam; and here is another one, on the first anniversary of 'MY' version of IIT-JEE.

Never before had I given so much importance to anything in my life. Never before had I wanted something so desperately in life. That exam holds a huge significance in my life, and in life of all those who have given the exam at some point of time. I don't want to talk about the IITs and related benefits et cetera; but I want to talk about just about IIT-JEE and its impact.

This exam, given by over 4 lakh students each year, changes the life of many and it changed mine too. Now, it is not just the mere acievement that is memorable but so is the journey. It is hard to believe that I could commit myself to it to such an extent that everything else seemed insignificant. Even the pleasure of watching a movie seemed worthless (I recollect myself watching some good movies and 3-4x their actual speed). The journey, and its successful culmination, has a left a mark on me (not like that on Harry Potter). Every challenge now seems attainable; nothing in this world seems impossible. Now, there lies in some part of my heart, a desire to take up new challenges just for the pleasure when it is achieved. Now, my age old dream to leave a mark on the society seems possible. Now, it seems that "I can" do what I commit myself to or rather I 'KNOW' I can.

Now -one year after the exam, one year since the end of the "TOUGH TIMES", one year since the end of "THE EXAM - IIT JEE 2009" - I know the importance of this exam : it lies not in the subsequent admission to IITs but in the deep impact on one's self-confidence.

Friday, April 2, 2010

The pleasures (or pressures) of life

As I sit here, I wonder if things could have been worse. Here I am with a laptop that work NOT, which has NO operating system to let me use it, with two impending tests for which I've NOT studied. Could the life be worse? Is there only one way to solve these problems? Is the end of this life (and probably beginning of another) the only way to get me out of this hell?

I know it sounds stupid, and to those it doesn' are psychotic, suicidal....(You are lucky that you didn't say it on my face because I would be more than happy to take your life away)

Everyday millions of people go to sleep without food, many walk miles to get few drops of water, many sleep under the blanket of stars; and here we think our life is hell. When will we learn to appreciate what we have? When will we learn that this life is more than work, fun, computers, money,etc. When will we grow up to be called mature?

Look around you. Most of you are reading this sitting comfortably in your rooms air-conditioned to suit your needs, surrounded by metres of wires (hidden/exposed), with probably bottle(s) of water, with clothes lying scattered around....[this was the description of my room]

On one hand we have the enlightened, who supposedly have had the access to education but are still unable to bear with the slight pressures of life. On the other hand, is the suffering many, who despite the gravity of their situation fight back; fight each day, until they can't fight anymore. So what is this education about? To create humans eager to die!!!!

Lets change something today. I request my readers (who are very precious to me) to vow today, to take life as it comes; to fight back; to struggle to dominate the wave of time and never give up. I request you to appreciate what you have because you surely have that many don't and you should be thankful for that; not depressed.

PS: Inspired by a prank (that shook the hell out of me).