Sunday, October 3, 2010

That ONE decision

There are times when you regret some decisions; decisions that were important not just in your life, but to many more. You wish to say something, do something to undo what has been done; to undo the damage caused. All you hope for is that those hurt by the decision will forgive you; forgive you for making the choice. Some decisions can't be undone, sometimes talking about them only makes things worse and any attempt to make things better could only worsen the situation. All you can wish for is to travel back in time and change just "that one" moment of your life; to be able to make things better, maybe not perfect, but definitely better.

The thought of that one decision gone wrong can ruin a lot. It can choke your capability of making any more decisions; decisions that are similar and affect not just you but some others. Quoting a friend of mine, " A little doubt is good, it helps you make better analysed decisions; but too much of it just ruins it". Everytime you come close to making some choice, you are haunted by the memories of that 'one' wrong choice.

The toughest part is that you can't even "ask" for forgiveness. Not because you are afraid to find yourself indicted; but the fact that bringing up the topic could make the other person re-live some of the painful moments, make him regret his own decision of thinking that you were at fault. You are reluctant since discussing it with the person would just lead to the transfer of this intolerable guilt and that is not a comforting option either.

At such times, all you CAN do is hope that you are forgiven. Only if there was a way to forget it all, only if you could just not ponder over it again. You hope that the other person would know the other side of the story someday; someday when it no longer means anything to him, someday when the impact of the revelation wouldn't at all be significant, someday when the person is done with all the musing over the topic. But until then, all you do is wait for that day, and hope against hope that you, above all, will forgive yourself.

1 comment:

  1. Dude you needn't bother about us!! You leaving the team was a decision you took after a lot of thought. I'm pretty sure you took the right decision and that you will move in the right direction hereafter.