Saturday, January 2, 2010

A day to be forgetten and yet remembered

This day came back to me as a memory many months (actually almost two years) after it actually occurred. The importance of that day in my life is now apparent, but then I ignored it. A huge incident occurred that day. Someone decided to end her life. I wouldn’t ask why such a decision was made, not because I’m scared of the discussion that’ll follow about how another existed, but because I’m aware of the causes and the decision made was desperate; one made in haste to get relief from the excruciating pain, none physical but majorly mental. The pain, as I see it, was definitely unbearable. And now when I look back , I can (for the first time) understand what actually a person who commits suicide feels. One feels things moving out of his hands, things that cannot be corrected and wishes that the other side of life is more pleasing. One wishes to start afresh, to be a baby again, to grow up again as he thinks he would have wanted to and then get back in a more desirable position, one in which he doesn’t find himself at fault, in which time cannot indict him of his mistakes . But does this truly happen?
I’m an atheist and I know just one thing, this life is all you have. But looking at that person, who according to me is an epitome of strength, fail to control the sudden burst and temptation to end this temporarily-out-of-place life, I doubt if I’ll be able to resist such a temptation when I too fall in deep shit (as the New Generation calls it).
But the importance is not in reviewing the cause of the incident but in analysing what happened afterwards. If that day, the person’s wish had been granted by the so-called GOD, my life would have been turned upside down. With all my motivation lost, I’d have ruined all my future and landed up in a place nowhere close to the one I’m in now (IIT-G). But this is when I look at the incident from a personal and selfish point of view. Some of the people who would have been immensely affected by the incident are either unaware that it happened or are ignoring its importance like I did until yesterday.
That is probably the only desire made by the person that I’m happy has not been fulfilled; happy not just for myself but also for the person as well.
Only one message to my readers : Think of this as the glimpse inside the brain of a suicide victim (a suicide victim, according to me, is not one who commits the crime but his relatives who actually suffer the absence of the person) and think twice before making such a decision.

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