Thursday, April 15, 2010

Towards the end :: A Diary Entry

1:44 am

Why can't I revert back the arms of the clock? Why can't I correct my mistakes? Why is this world so harsh on me? WHY? WHY?

No one is here for me..No one answers me..no one cares for me...

What can I do? No marks, no grades, no hope....this life's a complete waste...What shall I do???WHAT??

I remember how happy I used to be as a kid. No worry about anything. Everyone used to care for me, everyone loved me and everyone forgave me for my mistakes. WHY can't the same happen now? Why can't people just ignore my past?

BUT there is one way!! I can RESTART..restart as a baby..grow up to be a child again and then not make the same mistakes again...
I'm sorry mom...sorry for making you so upset...sorry for being so rude, so inconsiderate....Mom, I'm sorry for not being a good son....In the next birth I would want to be your son once again and make you happy....make you proud.

I've decided to end this life..a life that has been ruined..a life that is no more worth living. . .. Before I leave this world, I apologize for my mistakes and ask for mercy...

1:50

As I walk towards the highest point in the area, I can see the sun rising. Oh what a beautiful sight!! But alas, the last one I'm going to see in this life! Birds glide over me with their wings spread apart...making an elegant dive over the pond and then skimming over the water... I wish I could fly away like the birds. I wish I could be one of them.....

I've reached the highest point, I stand at the edge. I look down...it surely will kill me...I close my eyes..Memories...mom and dad scolding me, my examination papers, my successful friends, face of one I love -- fragments of my ruined life...I must do it. This is the only way I can get away.

I take one step forward and let myself fall. . .The fall feels amazing, easier than I had imagined... Faces of friends and family flash through my shut eyes...my mom's face..so beautiful, so calming...I hold the image...I want to hold the image forever...but what is happening to her face, she's crying...why .. what happened mom? I hear her words, "Why son! Why did you leave me? Was I so harsh on you?" . .. no mom..its not your fault.. I want to see her, explain to her..and I don't want to make her cry....I want her happy...I want to make you proud mom... I DON'T WANT TO DIE... until now the fall was slow, but now I'm falling fast, very fast and I don't like it. I wish I could fly... .I flap my arms like wings but alas, I can't....Mom, I'm sorry...I really am....HELP ME ..


Newspaper Headline : Another student crumbles under pressure.


PS : Only a piece of fiction.

No clue why I wrote it and why I wanted to share it. But I know this isn't what I will ever do in my life. Hope others can say the same thing.

10 comments:

  1. Dude, maybe you should have mentioned the fact that it was fiction BEFORE you started the piece!
    'Cause the "A Diary Entry" in the title makes it a scary read :(
    But you do know how to bring to life all the pain of being a person under pressure. And you really drove home the fact that suicide is a permanent solution to a (comparatively) temporary problem.
    So, I like it :)

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  2. umm @ sil: yes it was well written.
    but you know, u shud have mentined fiction at start; was the drama element stopping you? :P

    @amani: i disagree with what you have written, about suicide being the'permanent solution' ... Is isnt, and will never be a solution.

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  3. i was sure it was fiction from the beginning. the end was typical though.

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  4. "I remember how happy I used to be as a kid. No worry about anything. Everyone used to care for me, everyone loved me and everyone forgave me for my mistakes.". U try doing d same for others - love them, care for them, forgive them for their mistakes. Forgive them for the mistake of not loving u, not caring for u, not forgiving u for ur mistakes. Make them happy......who knows that might make u happy too! This unsolicited advice is for the protagonist of ur write up.

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  5. Thank you for such an article.
    I'll keep it in mind always :)

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  6. @paloma...
    well this article is mainly meant for those who can be "tempted" to do something like this...
    so are u one of those who can think of an alternative like "this" ..

    I hope not...

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  7. Alright.
    Frankly, i loved the way you wrote it. You captured what would be going through the students mind perfectly.
    You did a good thing by not mentioning that it was fiction. That would have been a blunder imo :)

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  8. u ve got hiddden talents...is this sum kind of IIT effect??

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