What was once mine

Once it was just a portal of my thoughts,
Now a window into my head.
Once the outcome of a long process,
Now the initiator of those thoughts.

This OUTLET, which was once an escape spot,
Is what makes me feel connected to the world.

Those particular set of eyes drive me;
I haven't seen them yet, and wonder if I ever will.
Still I am left wondering, what they make of me.
It could be yours, or just another readers.
But it is not of each set that I care;
There are some that are important to me
And for them, I am here ! 

31st January 2010 - - - a RED-LETTER day

After the incident described in “BASED ON A TRUE INCIDENT” yesterday, I was pretty sure that the day wasn’t going to be a good one. And soon when I couldn’t concentrate on my studies, I had this feeling that the rest of the day will be uneventful. It was expected to be boring, spent in attempt to study while my brain wandered in prohibited areas, places to be enjoyed only when time permits, only when there is no urgent matter to attend to. But after all, I’m no prophet. As always, my prediction failed me once again.

But it was partly my mistake. How could I forget that I still had one more meal to have in the hostel mess that day, and that certainly isn’t uneventful! Three times a day, most of us have critical times; times when we have to approach the mess to have a meal. We observe a fierce battle; battle between two giants, “Need” and “Desire”. As soon as we leave our rooms, a lot of questions, arguments, etc sweep across the brain. Some of the arguments are as follows :

Need : Lets go and get something to eat
Desire : Yeah, the canteen has some cool new stock, and they now even have some better chocolates.
Need : The body needs nutrition and pocket needs to have some money in it (so spend less).
Desire : F*** both. Look at all the nutrition packed food items offer. Oh the energy-bars provide som much energy. What more do you want?
Need : You know nothing what this body demands. Let me handle the issue. Just fuck off.
Desire : What do you mean I don’t know about it. You want to kill the taste-buds. You want make them swear to have no food item pass over them. You want the throat to feel the pain of improperly mixed salts/chillies. You will make them system weep. If we agree what you say....

And it goes on, becoming fiercer as we approach the dining hall and the sight of the meal flares it up even more. With the first bite in, “desire” prevails over “need” most of the times, exceptions being those frequent times when one forgets to get money out of the ATM.

A similar battle ensued the decision to have meal yesterday. Though, this time both were somewhat supportive of going to the mess, driven by the fact that the name of the dish (at least the name) matched exactly with one in the top priorities of “Desire” as well as “Need” : Chicken.

So with lesser confusion, I entered the hall, and took my share of the dish and walked away with some rotis. As I reached the table, my ears caught some flying words, “tasty”, “good”, “great by their standards” and the likes. Filled with anticipation, I took the first bite and knew what they meant.

It was another unforgetable meal, this time because of the “tasty” (a rare phenomenon) food. 31st January 2010 has been written down in the annals of the Hostel and will always be remembered as “The day the food was much more than just edible”.

AN ATTEMPT TO WRITE A TRUE BLOG

Today i realised that a blog shouldn’t be as serious as mine but one that should invite readers. Tough for me. Cause till now all I might have invited with my blogs is either abuse or jobless web-surfers.

So I begin by telling my readers (if any) about myself. I’m a B-Tech student in CSE from IIT-Guwahati in my first year. Ya, I know those who are less aware of IITs think that I’m not in the best place. Maybe not for you, but can’t say the same about me. All I wanted throughout the preparation of IIT-JEE is CSE in one of the 7 IITs and I have it. So now I’m doing my dream course from my dream institute and so I should be all happy and cheerful etc etc. But here comes the catch. I’m the sort of guy whose happiness is determined by not only his success in achieving aspiration but also the academic performance. Though in most cases they are the same. And I’m getting to realise it better. I mean, I feel I’d be much happier if I could score more in such a premiere institute. For those who haven’t guessed it yet, yes, I’m a low scorer in my first sem in IITG. Definitely not a good start. Not even close to what I dreamt of.

 

SO what do I do now. Move on and like before let my wounds be healed by time.

 

Well I plan something more grand, at least compare to former option.

 

So what do I plan to do? Well to begin with, I PLAN to finish as much of my course as early as possible (some of even before I start off with the sem). Secondly, I PLAN to be more regular (it’s a cliché if you know me personally). Thirdly, I PLAN to stay away from most of my seniors (whom I despise and soon when my vacations end, u’ll see this as the only possible place where I’ll vent out my anger against them.) Fourthly, .... You get the idea.... Basically I PLAN to be all nice student and stuff. The student I’ve always inspired to be. But so far the only time I came close to being one was when I was preparing for JEE. So what’s the incentive now...

Hard to say. No short term gains besides a good CPI (which is in some way a mark of respect) but a long term prospect.

 

Yes i do have a long term prospect. I am for GOOGLE. I know what you are thinking. “Another jerk with a far-fetched goal.” Maybe. But what if it’s not so far-fetched? What if I do get there because of my effort? What if those very grades I despise now are a blessing in disguise and help me re-gain focus?

What if...? Well these questions always haunt me. And maybe that is the reason I work. What if I fail tomorrow? What if I work today and gain what I’ve aspired for due to these efforts? What if despite all barriers between me and the goal, I somehow get it?

Not convinced ? Well lemme give you an example. What if I do some project tomorrow, with some unimaginable consequences? What if GOOGLE knows me then?

So now you think I should work?

 

Well this began with an attempt to humour my readers but I guess I can’t succeed in that. My arena is serious writing but again what if my attempts transform me. I guess after all this is said, it’ll be safe to assume that the quotation that drives me through this life is, “Aim for the moon. If you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

 

So this is me signing out readers (whoever there is interested to read it.)

PS: I guess those who know me have identified the writer of this article, because it has some of the peculiar things very hard to find in every other person