How many lives have I touched?

"The question isn't who you are. The question is : who did I turn out to be ? Who am I to you ? Are faded chalk marks and scratches on the floor the only evidence that I was here., or did some scribbled note, some fragment of a proof invert your perception of the world, even confirm it, cementing what you knew in your heart to be true with the balance of left column to right? What footprints have I left behind? Do they endure, or has the ocean of discovery washed them away already? How many lives have I touched? Have I touched yours?"
    - Charlie Eppes, Numb3rs (T.V. Series)

Any thoughts - Part 1

How do you distinguish between what you like and what you want to like ?

Irritating question, right ? I know what you are thinking, "This guy's a nut-head. What does that question even mean ?" I won't blame you for having those thoughts because I am not even certain if there is a difference, but I have only a slightest bit of doubt.

A parent wanting a boy but ending up with a girl. The girl wishing to win the parent's love and eventually living most of her life trying to impress that parent, maybe even succeeding, yet doing something for someone else's happiness.

No, no that plot is in no way related to me (you should have guessed that since I am not a girl in the first place :P ). All I am trying to do is drive home the point that there are cases where someone unknowingly forces oneself to like an activity or an outcome. But this example does have the problem that the girl really does have the desire to please the parent, which in turn leads her to accept something she might not have. (I did point out that I am just 'doubtful' of this entire thing, didn't I ?)

What I am trying to get at is what if 'some' consequence of an activity is what pleases you but not the activity itself and I am unaware of this fact ? "What's the harm of such a confusion ?", you'd ask. What if your interpretation drives you to do that activity often but get away from the consequence that you were looking for ? Would you still be happy ?


PS : As the title suggests, I intend to have this share a series of posts. If I will go ahead and share all of them is not certain, considering my laziness and a history of short-lived ideas.

What was once mine

Once it was just a portal of my thoughts,
Now a window into my head.
Once the outcome of a long process,
Now the initiator of those thoughts.

This OUTLET, which was once an escape spot,
Is what makes me feel connected to the world.

Those particular set of eyes drive me;
I haven't seen them yet, and wonder if I ever will.
Still I am left wondering, what they make of me.
It could be yours, or just another readers.
But it is not of each set that I care;
There are some that are important to me
And for them, I am here ! 

Crucible of thoughts

Thoughts of loss and achievement,
Hope and despair;
Fear and freedom,
Love and loss.

I know not what I think,
I know not what I fear,
I know not what I want,
As it struggles to come out.


Memories of the past
Interweave with the visions for the future.
A momentary feeling of achievement
Followed by a prolonged hollowness.

Words only pollute it;
Pollute the joyous moments from the past,
Or the painful memories lost
Amidst the desire to carry on.

Only if I could share my thoughts,
Let you in my head.
Only if I could let everyone know,
And bring an end to this pain.

Giving up

All throughout school, and life, we are taught to 'try and try until you succeed'. Failure is not when you don't achieve a goal, but when you stop trying. Some people, like me, are willing to give things 'yet another' shot imagining a world where each attempts gets you closer to the dream; hence, that 'yet another' shot might be the last required. I can't help but quote Thomas Edison,

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they give up

But how correct is it to not give up ? Some are of the opinion of spending a life time on something you consider worth it. But is it appropriate to lose sight of all the other opportunities that might go by you? They say, when one door closes, another opens; but if you are too busy staring at the closed door, trying to find a way to break it down, wouldn't you miss the opened door ? Many a lives have been spent pursuing dreams that are not just 'hard' but impossible. Imagine such a person's life. How many times would he have felt utter despair, all hopes dying, yet he struggled. Somethings, some ideas, might have looked tempting but the pursuit would have led him to no better place.

Or is the success not as important as the pursuit itself ? Can one die satisfied just knowing that he's worked day in and day out pursuing a dream to his fullest potential, but yet couldn't achieve the dream, maybe because what he has dreamed of is impossible ? Or is success the single most important important thing ?

Now consider a case where the more attempts you make, the more you might push the goal away; but there's always that slight possibility of attaining it. Would you still make the attempt ? One way to look at it is that you never had it; hence pushing it away can make it no worse. Another perspective to is to realize that its important to not lose sight of the goal. Pushing it away might make all future attempts go in vain and now you can neither have it nor see it.

What would you do ?