A computer as my brain !!!

All through my life, I've understood brain as nothing more than a 'super-duper' computer. But as things happen and life gets more complicated, the 'basic' understanding seems so wrong.

How I wish the brain was a computer? Why do I think so, following are the reasons :-

1. It would be possible to 'clearly' enunciate all the thoughts in the mind (in technical jargon, all the processes running) and pick out the ones you would like to eliminate.

2. Your brain would be rendered incapable of playing tricks on your while you were sleeping by introducing thoughts and ideas that only use the 'processor' power and yield no outcome at all.

3. There would be an option to 'erase' memories; you could erase that you dislike or that cause a conflict with other 'memories' and thoughts.

4. Thoughts/memories once erased need not POP-UP and it would be impossible to relate to something you don't want, no matter how much one forces you to.

5. One could achieve a more 'emotionless' state and not get attached to every other thing or person in this life, making things so much more simpler and making life all about survival WITHOUT PURPOSE.

6. One would feel no pain, physical or psychological.

7. It would be easier for anyone else to look into a person and understand his state, and hence would resolve a lot of communication gaps.

Well, most of the 'advantages' listed above could easily be overpowered by something like a virus, but here I'm talking about more secure systems, preferably GNU/Linux based systems. ;-)

In any case, such a situation is entirely a DREAM, which itself is a concept of the mind, and would be absent from something that resembles a computer. Dream, a concept which can be as lethal as it is beautiful.

As can be seen in the small discussion above, this brain of mine just doesn't know what it wants and that is the 'worst' and the 'best' part of this exceptional piece of work. What do you guys think would be the advantages or disadvantages of having a computer instead of a brain ?

final GOODBYE

Each night I go to bed cursing you;
But wake up in the morning with hopes anew,
With desire and expectations of seeing you.
However, I end the day feeling ignored by you.


I'vent said anything, and neither have you
But I've always thought that there was no need to
Now, I've but one thing to say
" Please leave me alone and find another heart to stay. "

Accept or Deny ?

Denial is one of the most common responses of human to prevent himself from facing or accepting a harsh truth. It allows the person to accept what he wants and live life accordingly and make appropriate changes to his ideology. Escaping from reality is something that humans try often; some succeed, some don't. 

Is that what I'm doing? Denying ; denying that I'm falling into it; denying that I can't keep her outside my head. Am I trying to escape confessing the truth; the truth that I too can be shaken by someone, shaken to the core, shaken and left to ask for more. Am I 'running away' and more importantly, 'can' I run away from this?

When someONE demands more space in your head but part of you wants to deny the mere existence of such an idea, you are headed into a war; a war not fought with guns or swords, but with tools more powerful; tools that can render the brain temporarily useless. But surprisingly, whichever side wins, YOU, and no one else, are the loser. 

So, denial or acceptance, which shall it be then ? 

The man in the mirror

At some point of our lives or other, each one of has lied. Be it a lie as innocent as denying the responsibility of have broken a plate or be it as grave us deceiving a man into giving you some money. Nevertheless, they are all lies, and we all are liars. Each one of us knows what it is to lie to someone else. The nervousness involved, the risk, the relief when it is over. But what does it feel like to lie to oneself? How does it feel to make oneself believe something false?

Is it something that we don't know, or is it something that we all know? Do we know ourselves? Do you think you are who you think you are? Is the man in the mirror the same as the one on this side? Am I the same person on the inside as I appear to the outside world or are there secrets that should always remain within lest the world for me would be no more the way I know it now? And even worse, do I know those secrets myself?

Some of my readers have asked me whether I feel exposed when I know that people can read my thoughts on this blog. But the real question is, "Are these really my thoughts or is it just an attempt to paint a picture of myself as I would like to be perceived?". Or to rephrase it, "Don't I know that people read it? So won't I make sure that you read what I want you to?". These are the questions that should trouble the readers. As for me, the more disturbing question is "Is it me?" or to be more frank, "Do I know myself?"

2 years ago, for someone in my life, I had written an essay describing myself; describing myself as I saw myself. But as days, weeks, months passed; I began to realize the differences in the 'perceived' me and the 'real' me. Since then, I know that I've lost track of where the lies end and the truth begins. I am still looking for the answer and although I'd be glad to be not the only one lost, I wish that none of you end up with me. The absence of the knowledge about the real self takes away the confidence and fills one with doubt; it scares one to be close to someone for the fear of hurting him/her or oneself; one can no more expect others to understand him because their perception is based on his exterior; one is ever doubtful about his own goals and ambitions which at some stage were as clear as the October sky.

I'd conclude with the question, "Is the one with the above doubts the same as the one writing this post?"

Dreams. Future; near and far

Since birth, I've always had some vision about my future; some desire, some expectation; some goal to work toward; something to achieve. Always, I thought that was the dream everyone talked about. The dreams that make you work harder, forgetting your sleep; dreams that make you forget all the comfort and work until you have all that you desire. But is that it? Is only that distant aspiration worthy of being called a dream? Or is it that all small desires should be worked upon with the same vigor?

Future, something I enter into every passing moment, yet something I can never know. It is the single most mysterious things; some think that is where the beauty of the universe lies. Or does it?

I've come to learn in the last month through a grave experience, that life is not a joke. It is not at all something that one should take lightly; value it at all times. I've come to realize that this life can play with you in unpredictable ways and there is no winner; at least no human. In such a setting, I'm forced to wonder, should I be spending time ,resources and energy thinking of the times ahead or should I make the most of now FOR now; not thinking how what I do at this moment will affect some part of the future I'm about to enter.

There are things I "plan" to do in the next few days, some in the next few months, years and decades. But is it sensible?

Just yesterday, a friend's blog (The Rationalist's Batcave ) brought back to me the plans that I had for future; made me decide to shed away the laziness and get to work once again. I had made up my mind to leave aside all short-term goals, temptations, desires and happiness and work for that one goal. I felt convinced that that was the thing I wanted to die working for and it was the thing once achieved, I'd die a satisfied person.

But yet, over the night, the sleeping mind wandered into the prohibited zones and re-opened the question, particularly highlighting "death" as a keyword. When I don't even know what will happen in then next few seconds; isn't it dumb to push myself into a life deprived of all pleasure in the quest for the ultimate goal, which in itself will take decades, if not more?

Here I try to cut short and pose the same question to all of you. What should be more important, the expectations of the present or of the future? Should one "sacrifice" his senseless desires for a stronger cause, which can take time, to say the least?