Crucible of thoughts

Thoughts of loss and achievement,
Hope and despair;
Fear and freedom,
Love and loss.

I know not what I think,
I know not what I fear,
I know not what I want,
As it struggles to come out.


Memories of the past
Interweave with the visions for the future.
A momentary feeling of achievement
Followed by a prolonged hollowness.

Words only pollute it;
Pollute the joyous moments from the past,
Or the painful memories lost
Amidst the desire to carry on.

Only if I could share my thoughts,
Let you in my head.
Only if I could let everyone know,
And bring an end to this pain.

Giving up

All throughout school, and life, we are taught to 'try and try until you succeed'. Failure is not when you don't achieve a goal, but when you stop trying. Some people, like me, are willing to give things 'yet another' shot imagining a world where each attempts gets you closer to the dream; hence, that 'yet another' shot might be the last required. I can't help but quote Thomas Edison,

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they give up

But how correct is it to not give up ? Some are of the opinion of spending a life time on something you consider worth it. But is it appropriate to lose sight of all the other opportunities that might go by you? They say, when one door closes, another opens; but if you are too busy staring at the closed door, trying to find a way to break it down, wouldn't you miss the opened door ? Many a lives have been spent pursuing dreams that are not just 'hard' but impossible. Imagine such a person's life. How many times would he have felt utter despair, all hopes dying, yet he struggled. Somethings, some ideas, might have looked tempting but the pursuit would have led him to no better place.

Or is the success not as important as the pursuit itself ? Can one die satisfied just knowing that he's worked day in and day out pursuing a dream to his fullest potential, but yet couldn't achieve the dream, maybe because what he has dreamed of is impossible ? Or is success the single most important important thing ?

Now consider a case where the more attempts you make, the more you might push the goal away; but there's always that slight possibility of attaining it. Would you still make the attempt ? One way to look at it is that you never had it; hence pushing it away can make it no worse. Another perspective to is to realize that its important to not lose sight of the goal. Pushing it away might make all future attempts go in vain and now you can neither have it nor see it.

What would you do ? 

This is something that I had written earlier this year.

I see the dream drifting away from reach
And there is no one to blame but me.
The path that I walk is not the one that I planned
But, alas, there is no going back.

Still somewhere, deep within, a flame denies to go out.
The same voice that led me here, assures me;
"The paths will meet at least one more time
And offer a chance I deserve."

 

 

Waiting for someone to change my mind

How many of you have been in a situation where a part of you wants to stay but you must leave a place. All you want is someone to call out from the back and suggest an alternative or offer you to stay. What do you do ? How long do you wait for someone to call out ? What if no one does ? What if someone does call out but yet the reason/excuse they offer is not convincing to you ?

Now picturize yourself making a very important decision of your life. You have set your mind on something; it is not the convention but it was what you think your heart desires. At the same time, you want someone to come by and show you the mistake you are making. Observe, I don't use the word 'tell' you about the mistake, instead they should be able to convince you. Why is that you can't make up your mind yourself ? Don't you know what you want ? Or is that you want the decision to be in else's hands so that later in life if things go wrong, or you mess up, you can point that indicting finger towards him/her and curse him for the rest of your life ? Is having a fall-back guilty guy more important than doing what might be the most important thing in your life ?

Brain does work in mysterious ways, doesn't it ? In an attempt to avoid guilt (which might never be faced) , one is ready to ruin his life ; life that cannot be lived twice.  

Beyond me !

There are times when you want something, have wanted it for quite sometime and have always imagined what it would feel like to finally have it. Then, comes a time, when there's an opportunity ; an opportunity to go out and get it; an opportunity to fulfill your dream. Having learnt from a lot of your mistakes in the past, you overcome your fears and leap forward. As you inch closer, its seems more and more plausible that soon the dream would turn into a reality. But then, out of nowhere, something comes in the way; a barrier, a hindrance. You can't get across it without breaking some rules, principles, hearts. But you want it badly, really badly. If only breaking others' hearts was easier than letting that opportunity slip away ; letting the dream remain as such for quite some time , maybe forever.

Through various experiences in life, I have come to know that somethings are beyond my control. People call it fate, I call it the "cumulative effect of others' activities on my life" . Whatever it is, I HATE IT , most of the times !!!