Coffee with Self

A flash of agitation passed through the baby's face, head leaned back and jerked so violently that its entire body shuddered. No one was disturbed, no one took notice of the sneezing baby, except for one man who sat right across the noisy room who was brought back to reality by the jerking motion that seemed to be demanding attention. As if to mirror that baby, the man jerked as well, a little nonplussed, before he remembered where he was.

Moments later, he was staring at the simmering cup of coffee in front of him. Hot beverages were always too hard for him to drink, but he enjoyed the time that it gave him; the time to savor the finer details. But he wasn't there for the coffee itself. "After all,", he thought, "rarely do people come to coffee houses for the coffee". He was there to catch up with a friend he hadn't met in a long time. "A 'girl' friend", he reminded himself. The very next instant, however, he entered a battle with himself, arguing why that shouldn't have been the thought. There are several things he hated about himself; this was one of them.

Trying to divert his attention from the argument, he let his eyes sweep the coffee house hoping that something else would catch his attention. The place was significantly more crowded and louder than the last time he had visited. No table was vacant and people seemed to be quite involved in discourse. Finding nothing interesting, he looked down at his table. "How many people did I just see?", he asked himself, surprised at how little attention he paid to the details. Disappointed with himself, he took a more deliberate look this time. "Five tables, three men, three ladies, two children and one toddler", he counted, adamant on observing the world around him. "But those numbers serve no purpose". Now, for the third time, he looked around the room halting at every table for just a while and wondering if he could imagine the story behind the occupants. "Two guys with white collar jobs, on a break", he thought while his eyes swept over two men with loosened ties over an, otherwise, formal attire. "Love-birds", he concluded when his eyes stopped over the table hosting a man and woman, both in their youth. He stopped, not to observe them, but because of his judgmental thought. He had not even considered the possibility of them being mere friends or even relatives, but had simply assumed that they were lovers. "And then you expect people to be more liberal, when it's you who is meeting a woman in a coffee shop", said a voice in his head. The voice was right, he was a hypocrite. "The voice is always right", he told himself.

Attempting to escape the guilt, he looked at his watch. "2:30. Just 15 more minutes to be by myself". He had arrived way before the decided time of the meeting to find some time for himself. But he had felt distracted today, completely incapable of following any chain of thought. His fingers circled around the rim of the cup in front of him, moved around the surface to gauge if it was safe enough to drink and then tightened around the handle. While he sipped, he noticed that it was raining outside. Until then, he hadn't heard the sound of the rain crashing outside, but now that he did, he felt at peace. "Coffee tastes better with the rain outside", he thought to himself, smiling, letting go off all the discomfort inside.

'While he sat at the coffee table, enjoying the warmth of the coffee in front of him, protected from the rain outside, she, only a few minutes away from the shop, drenched from the rain, shivered as she took shelter under a tree.'

Amused with the outcome, he thought, "It's of no use if I can't build this into something interesting. Maybe I should just give up and accept that I am no writer. I am merely a ....". He stopped abruptly. Who was he? If he were to die that day and the newspapers had a reason to write about it, they would have probably said, "An IITian Software Developer died ...". They wouldn't be wrong, but that was not who he was. But, who was he? "Finally, the kind of topic I wanted to be thinking about", he almost said out aloud, smiling broadly.

"So, are you going to greet me or should I take the next train back?", said Amie. "Yes", said his brain reminding himself of the programming jokes surrounding the misuse of 'or'; "Hi, long time. You are completely drenched! Sit, let me order a cup of coffee for you first. Excuse me, waiter!", he said out loud. 

The difficult thought had been conveniently pushed to the back of his mind. "I prefer this to the solitude", he confessed to himself, while Amie excitedly told him about her journey. The voice came back and said, "For now, I shall let you go on and have a good time, but we need to have a talk. And don't forget, 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'." 

---

Note : I think I must mention that I seem to have taken a little too much of inspiration from On rationale and emotion by Suhail Sherif.

Jolts of ... ?

They say that how you see the world is a reflection of what's cooking in your own head. Fear seeks fear, love finds love and happiness meets happiness. Is that true? If yes, what does a repetitive, unexplained, sensation of being jolted mean? Living in a tectonically active zone, every such jolt makes me stand up ready to run for safety, only to realize that the jolt was only inside my head. I look around, mystified, perplexed, only to see people carry on with their lives and tasks while I just felt a fear for life, a need to run for life, as a consequence of only my imagination and deranged mind.

Out of time

Have you given an exam where you know little? You can't say you know nothing, because you have read something, but you don't expect yourself to excel at the test.

The test kicks off and you go around fiddling with the paper; turning it over, looking for the questions that you think you can solve. You don't solve them right away, but you just glance through them to make you feel you know something, which turns out to be very little. So, you start writing; trying out the simple ones first,  trying hard not to falter. You don't want to be the loser who couldn't even get the simple ones right! You take your time, you work them out slowly, you check and then re-check. The goal? Maximize the marks you can get. While you are solving the easy ones, your brain takes the liberty to wander off. You start thinking about the fun you are going to have after the test, you start thinking of all that lies after and it lightens you up.

Half the time is up and you are barely done with the questions you truly know, when it starts sinking into you that this test is important. You begin contemplating the consequences of a low score on this one. Even the thought of the aftereffects are scary and you might actually have to live with it! Panic strikes and takes over. There's despair and few moments of self-vituperation for not being serious about it before, not being serious about it until now! You start hoping for a miracle; you hope against all hope that you come out of this test victorious and not a failure.

And the miracle does happen! You look down at the paper and the questions you couldn't make sense of start looking solvable, parts of the book and the few classes that you attended start hovering in front of your eyes and you know you can save yourself. You want to wait and smile at this sudden transition, this moment of enlightenment, but there's no time for that; you have to squeeze out every second left. You look back at the clock to see how much time is left and you can't keep yourself from silently uttering "F**k". You would like to get up and accept that you are the stupidest man in the room, but there's no time for that. You put pen to paper and start writing, writing whatever comes to your mind, stopping only to look at the clock and wonder if the clock suddenly decided to go faster.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock. You can hear the clock and your pulse; are they in rhythm? Is the clock actually going that fast? You don't have time to wait, there's just under ten minutes left. If you had time, you would have wondered why a man is judged by what he writes in those 3 hours. If you had time, you would wonder why the humans didn't evolve to be able to share through electromagnetic waves; that way your speed won't limit your success. But you can't think about it because there's simply no time. Every moment spent thinking and not writing, every eye movement spent checking the time left, every moment spent turning pages and every other moment spent not reproducing your thought seems a waste.

Too much to do and too little time! Now you don't even need to look at the clock, you know it's better to just carry on writing. You lift your head up as you think and look write back at the paper as you realize that invigilators have started agitating. You catch a glimpse of your peers. Some have given up and are waiting for it to end. Some are putting down their final words. Some are going through their answers looking for mistakes. But some, like you, are furiously writing, writing as fast as their body will allow. In them, you seek camaraderie. You know you are not alone, but tremendously outnumbered.

Too much to do and too little time before the time is up! If you know how those final moments feel like, you know how I feel to have just 2 months left before my final semester ends.

Pen Pal

"Pen pal? What does that mean?", I had innocently asked my English teacher. Having studied in different schools at different cities, I find it hard to remember when and where exactly did I ask this question, but I have a clear memory of coming across this term in a classroom - or a memory hardened by my belief of it being true. In any case, the answer came as quite a surprise to me. Never before had I thought of a friend whom you had not met; a friend whose face you hadn't seen; a friend whom you hadn't heard; but just a friend with whom you had shared your life and got only experience in return. At first the idea amused me. It wasn't only a 'pal' who hadn't seen you but also a pal who knew as much about your life as you told him (using 'him' as the gender neutral pronoun); who judged on the small portion of life that you showed him; who couldn't shout at you; who couldn't see you create a world that you wanted him to see. A pen pal offered a person to lead another life, probably the one he would like to have led, and still have a friend in that fantasy world.

Despite the appeal of the idea, I never felt excited enough to try to have a pen pal. It was less due to lack of motivation but more because pen pals appeared a thing of the past, at least until very recently.

Fast forward into the present; pen pals might still seem a thing of the past in this world of emails and Instant Messages. Take away the pen-paper based letters from the custom of pen-pals, the visits to post-office, the long wait for reply, and replace it with emails and a new culture begins to appear. A culture so similar to that Pen Pals, that it is hard to believe that it had ever left our side. I am not sure if it was me, who was unaware of its ongoing existence all this while or has this generation revived something that probably should never have been lost in the first place.

So, have I been able to create the fantasy world I imagined it would help me build? No. Why? Because the correspondence didn't begin with the intent of forming long term bonds the only evidence of which were words exchanged over the Internet. Even before I knew I had found a friend in the person typing in those alphabets from another corner of the world, I had shared enough about myself to keep the friendship real and not just based on the person I would have wanted to be.

However, I have had the opportunity to learn more about myself. Written (or typed) words offer the possibility of re-reading your own words - a definite advantage over spoken words. This let me, quite unconsciously, observe myself as a person I knew little of. It let me be the observer of my own life and watch myself narrate it to another. I have been amazed, impressed and even disappointed by things that I have written.

Wittgenstein equated the writing of an autobiography with self-discovery. I would state that a pen pal serves the purpose just fine and probably is easier to come by. In this world where a person sitting in another part of the world is only a mouse-click away, I would urge people to find a 'pen pal' that can help you discover yourself.

How many lives have I touched?

"The question isn't who you are. The question is : who did I turn out to be ? Who am I to you ? Are faded chalk marks and scratches on the floor the only evidence that I was here., or did some scribbled note, some fragment of a proof invert your perception of the world, even confirm it, cementing what you knew in your heart to be true with the balance of left column to right? What footprints have I left behind? Do they endure, or has the ocean of discovery washed them away already? How many lives have I touched? Have I touched yours?"
    - Charlie Eppes, Numb3rs (T.V. Series)

Any thoughts - Part 1

How do you distinguish between what you like and what you want to like ?

Irritating question, right ? I know what you are thinking, "This guy's a nut-head. What does that question even mean ?" I won't blame you for having those thoughts because I am not even certain if there is a difference, but I have only a slightest bit of doubt.

A parent wanting a boy but ending up with a girl. The girl wishing to win the parent's love and eventually living most of her life trying to impress that parent, maybe even succeeding, yet doing something for someone else's happiness.

No, no that plot is in no way related to me (you should have guessed that since I am not a girl in the first place :P ). All I am trying to do is drive home the point that there are cases where someone unknowingly forces oneself to like an activity or an outcome. But this example does have the problem that the girl really does have the desire to please the parent, which in turn leads her to accept something she might not have. (I did point out that I am just 'doubtful' of this entire thing, didn't I ?)

What I am trying to get at is what if 'some' consequence of an activity is what pleases you but not the activity itself and I am unaware of this fact ? "What's the harm of such a confusion ?", you'd ask. What if your interpretation drives you to do that activity often but get away from the consequence that you were looking for ? Would you still be happy ?


PS : As the title suggests, I intend to have this share a series of posts. If I will go ahead and share all of them is not certain, considering my laziness and a history of short-lived ideas.

What was once mine

Once it was just a portal of my thoughts,
Now a window into my head.
Once the outcome of a long process,
Now the initiator of those thoughts.

This OUTLET, which was once an escape spot,
Is what makes me feel connected to the world.

Those particular set of eyes drive me;
I haven't seen them yet, and wonder if I ever will.
Still I am left wondering, what they make of me.
It could be yours, or just another readers.
But it is not of each set that I care;
There are some that are important to me
And for them, I am here ! 

Crucible of thoughts

Thoughts of loss and achievement,
Hope and despair;
Fear and freedom,
Love and loss.

I know not what I think,
I know not what I fear,
I know not what I want,
As it struggles to come out.


Memories of the past
Interweave with the visions for the future.
A momentary feeling of achievement
Followed by a prolonged hollowness.

Words only pollute it;
Pollute the joyous moments from the past,
Or the painful memories lost
Amidst the desire to carry on.

Only if I could share my thoughts,
Let you in my head.
Only if I could let everyone know,
And bring an end to this pain.

Giving up

All throughout school, and life, we are taught to 'try and try until you succeed'. Failure is not when you don't achieve a goal, but when you stop trying. Some people, like me, are willing to give things 'yet another' shot imagining a world where each attempts gets you closer to the dream; hence, that 'yet another' shot might be the last required. I can't help but quote Thomas Edison,

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they give up

But how correct is it to not give up ? Some are of the opinion of spending a life time on something you consider worth it. But is it appropriate to lose sight of all the other opportunities that might go by you? They say, when one door closes, another opens; but if you are too busy staring at the closed door, trying to find a way to break it down, wouldn't you miss the opened door ? Many a lives have been spent pursuing dreams that are not just 'hard' but impossible. Imagine such a person's life. How many times would he have felt utter despair, all hopes dying, yet he struggled. Somethings, some ideas, might have looked tempting but the pursuit would have led him to no better place.

Or is the success not as important as the pursuit itself ? Can one die satisfied just knowing that he's worked day in and day out pursuing a dream to his fullest potential, but yet couldn't achieve the dream, maybe because what he has dreamed of is impossible ? Or is success the single most important important thing ?

Now consider a case where the more attempts you make, the more you might push the goal away; but there's always that slight possibility of attaining it. Would you still make the attempt ? One way to look at it is that you never had it; hence pushing it away can make it no worse. Another perspective to is to realize that its important to not lose sight of the goal. Pushing it away might make all future attempts go in vain and now you can neither have it nor see it.

What would you do ? 

This is something that I had written earlier this year.

I see the dream drifting away from reach
And there is no one to blame but me.
The path that I walk is not the one that I planned
But, alas, there is no going back.

Still somewhere, deep within, a flame denies to go out.
The same voice that led me here, assures me;
"The paths will meet at least one more time
And offer a chance I deserve."

 

 

Waiting for someone to change my mind

How many of you have been in a situation where a part of you wants to stay but you must leave a place. All you want is someone to call out from the back and suggest an alternative or offer you to stay. What do you do ? How long do you wait for someone to call out ? What if no one does ? What if someone does call out but yet the reason/excuse they offer is not convincing to you ?

Now picturize yourself making a very important decision of your life. You have set your mind on something; it is not the convention but it was what you think your heart desires. At the same time, you want someone to come by and show you the mistake you are making. Observe, I don't use the word 'tell' you about the mistake, instead they should be able to convince you. Why is that you can't make up your mind yourself ? Don't you know what you want ? Or is that you want the decision to be in else's hands so that later in life if things go wrong, or you mess up, you can point that indicting finger towards him/her and curse him for the rest of your life ? Is having a fall-back guilty guy more important than doing what might be the most important thing in your life ?

Brain does work in mysterious ways, doesn't it ? In an attempt to avoid guilt (which might never be faced) , one is ready to ruin his life ; life that cannot be lived twice.  

Beyond me !

There are times when you want something, have wanted it for quite sometime and have always imagined what it would feel like to finally have it. Then, comes a time, when there's an opportunity ; an opportunity to go out and get it; an opportunity to fulfill your dream. Having learnt from a lot of your mistakes in the past, you overcome your fears and leap forward. As you inch closer, its seems more and more plausible that soon the dream would turn into a reality. But then, out of nowhere, something comes in the way; a barrier, a hindrance. You can't get across it without breaking some rules, principles, hearts. But you want it badly, really badly. If only breaking others' hearts was easier than letting that opportunity slip away ; letting the dream remain as such for quite some time , maybe forever.

Through various experiences in life, I have come to know that somethings are beyond my control. People call it fate, I call it the "cumulative effect of others' activities on my life" . Whatever it is, I HATE IT , most of the times !!! 

Addicted !!

Recently, I came across a very generic definition of addiction. According to the definition, a person could be called addicted to an activity if these traits could be associated with it :-

• The lack of the activity causes stress/discomfort/uneasiness.
• The activity (especially if done after long) causes the feeling of 'relief'.

Another slightly feeble, but important, trait associated with addiction, is the 'denial' of such a dependence on the activity.

Its easy to deduce from the characteristics above (and a little bit of introspection) that I am addicted to the most popular social networking site of our generation, Facebook. I am sure that none of you needs to click on the link of the site to know where it leads. And I am also sure that if anyone of you clicked it, it'll be a while (or worse, never) before you read this line and the ones that follow.

The same discussion which gave me the above definition also highlighted that each addiction has a cause. So what is causing this 'facebook' addiction for us  ( I say 'us', because I know I am not the only one suffering) ?  Looking from a broader perspective, it is in fact an addiction to the 'internet' as a whole, rather than just Facebook (although, that stands out ).

Introspection tells me that one of the major causes of my addiction to Facebook, is the fact that I don't have very good 'conversation' skills. I prefer the delay in 'chats' over the internet excused by false claims of absence, business or ignorance over the silence that prevails once you run out of topics to discuss in a face-to-face interaction. It might be a lousy excuse, but it surely is a valid one. Besides, Facebook lets me overcome that 'lack' of skill and still stay in touch with friends ( some I haven't met in ages ).  What do you think ? What can be other causes for such an addiction ? If you are addicted to 'anything', what do you think is your excuse ?

Now the question is, if I know that I am addicted and also have a probable cause of the addiction, can I overcome it ? Can you ?  

Sensitivity vs Sensibility

Almost six months ago, a simple statement in a chat stirred up a thought that has taught me a lot about myself. Discussing about something with a friend, she somehow said that I was "sensitive". First response was to deny it. It was like an allegation; a sin, that I just couldn't merely accept to have commited.

Then came the realizatiion phase, when I realized that there might be some truth in those words. Although, at first I thought it was just the way she (and maybe others) perceived me and had nothing to do with the 'real' me. But then came a fear. What if it were true ?

Some, at this point, some would wonder " why the fear ? " So did I. On the one hand, I knew that the friend had said that in good-will, meaning no insult or harm, but I could see it as nothing but a finger pointed at a weakness; a characteristic which meant my defences were low.

Why 'weakness'? Emotions have a huge affect on any person; and the 'sensitive' ones are even more vulnerable. Among these emotions, the one that I have come to fear the most is that of 'guilt'. It is one of the most powerful tools to ruin a man's life. It can make one insane. For the lack of examples from my own life, I relate to a great director's work. Christopher Nolan's movie "The Memento" is nothing but an example, as how a man is ready to lead himself to a life full of confusion and a false hope and target instead of realizing the truth that he himself caused the death of his wife. A similar idea is observed in the movie 'Shutter Island'.

Those two examples might not seem apt as they are both fictional and also revolve around extreme guilt (after all its about killing fellow human). But I wish to potray the power of 'guilt' from these examples. Having been a victim of this 'utterly powerful' emotion, I have to come fear it, and 'respect' it at the same time. At times, I realize that my actions are driven by the need to 'avoid' guilt at a later stage in life.

Coming back to how being sensitive could be weakness; it is quite possible in this 'wild world' that people (whom I call the wolves) realize these 'sensitive wounds' and exploit us. Another reason for fearing this 'trait' is that someone might unintentionally say or do something that might have lasting impact on you. These emotions turn out to be 'consuming'. These emotions can, in simple words, make you incapable of thinking logically and not just take a lot of time, but also worsen the situation by 'over-thinking'.

The one thing I fear the most is to develop, what I call it as, 'the fear of attachment' (maybe a milder version of this is what I have in mind ) . To this date, I have come to realize that nothing inspires more than the 'attachment'; be it with a person ; or an inanimate object (like my laptop ;-) ). This attachment, oftenly translated to love, has inspired many before us and will continue to do so. This feeling makes people strive for something. Now, 'the fear of attachment' is the term I use for the fear of creating such an attachment because of instances in the past. A person may suffer and may fear to be attached to anyone or anything if he has been betrayed, let down, denied by someone he was attached to. And if I am 'sensitive', then I am vulnerable to this.

Now, some might thoughtlessly say that a solution to this would be to be 'emotionless' and 'insensitive'. Not considering the effort in making such a transition, I would not want to be on that side of the fence either. Emotional response to 'anything' make it real. For example, success won't be as important or effective if we could not be 'exhilarated' by achieving it; failure wouldn't be feared if it doesn't cause me the pain. If there's nothing that makes me 'feel' happier, there would be nothing I'd do to obtain it. Life would be dull and boring, and ironically, I won't even know it is.

PS : Now some posts (like "Accept or Deny") would make more sense. 

The Second Anniversary

Its something about this 'date' that just doesn't let me let it go without a blog-post. It is second the anniversary of IIT-JEE'09, the version of IIT-JEE that I'm familiar with; the one that I relate to; the one that I call My JEE.

Anyways, this post is not about the exam nor is it about the preparation or the value gained out of it. That is what was done last year. Now, the 'date' enforces up on me retrospection of what has happened in the last year;  not the year that ended on 31st December 2010, but the year marked in my life by this very day, 12th April. Today, one ends and a new one begins; and it is only customary to look at the year gone by, cherish the joyful moments and learn from those which brought tears.

The year has been a very dramatic one. Things have been learnt in unforeseen ways; in ways I could never imagine. Starting with my involvement in Techniche, which benefited me in more ways than I could have thought of; opening in front of me the world of the Free and/or Open Source Softwares (FOSS), getting me closer to computers and helping me know more about myself and those around me. Next, a difficult experience, was the experience of loss(es); loss in terms of 'a friend', 'a life' and 'a relationship'; losses that cannot be reverted, mistakes that cannot be corrected and their impact that cannot be forgotten.

In hindsight, these very things have taught me a lot about my own personality, my expectations out of life and out of people around me. I've learnt the hard way, that life might not be as long as we think, so make the most of it. This idea, itself, has brought about over a dozen changes in me. My attitudinal shift has left me a little more capable of observing those around and learning more about the intriguing human brain. I've learnt to accept various ideas and thoughts, not adopt but accept them as something 'understandable'.

In short, I feel far more mature and experienced than I was last year, and that is the way it should be. Progressing towards a better understanding of the humans and using the same knowledge to protect personal goals and help the society has 'now' become a priority. I use the word protect because this year has brought in front of me my vulnerabilities and weaknesses; somethings that I need to keep away from those who would intentionally (or unintentionally) try to dissuade me from my path.


I guess that is enough retrospection for now.
Happy 'IIT-JEE-09' anniversary to all. Happy New Year.

Stranger to a Friend

Life and friends; both are incomplete without each other. I have written about friends earlier, here and here, and I'm sure that will be the topic of discussion in many more posts to come. I owe a lot to my friends and I really can't imagine a life without them. But at the same time, I'm intrigued by the realisation that each one of them was once just another stranger to me and now, life without them, is unimaginable

The beginning of a friendship is something that always amazes me. It could be something as inconspicuous as ending up as room-mates or as neighbours; ending up as lab-partners; studying in the same class. It could begin at a discussion about common interests, common problems, "GIRLS" (yes,both boys and girls talk about 'girls' in different perspective though ;-) ) or even 'parents' . The possibilities are limitless.

And before you know it, the person you had just met, is now an integral part of your life. The same people whom you were shy/scared to talk to are now the people who know most about you; the same people whom you'd call by name, are now referred to by a variety of nick-names ( and the real name is even forgotten ); the same people you won't cry in front of, have already helped you through your worst times; the same people you called 'silent' are the one's that talk to you the most; the same people you cribbed about to your 'parents' or old-friends, are the one's you choose over parents to discuss a problem at hand.

All these words come out of mere retrospection of how I met my great friends, but I am sure there are many things about this 'unique' relation that I have missed out here. Feel free to share them with me ( in other words .. leave a comment .. ;-) )

Technology makes me lazy

My last post was about laziness and it was after posting it that I started realising how laziness affects each and every aspect of my life. It makes me who I am and makes the way I am. Some may like it, some may not. In fact, it explains my infatuation for computers and programs. I had once read an interesting quote

World's best programmers are lazy

And programming being a skill I'd like to excel at, the lazier I get, the happier I feel. (Recently, a similar lazy attitude led me to write an elegant script that has been documented here ).

Technology and laziness go hand in hand, in fact as explained in the last post, its a cycle. Laziness inspires some technological breakthrough and the use of such things leads to a further lazy life. My friend, in his blog, explores how we are so depended on technology. He goes on to question the future of such a dependence, bring into light the biggest fears of mankind with respect to the technological boom, control by machines.

Many before us have pondered over this reaching a variety of conclusions. Some deduce that such a scenario would never arise, some make references to science-fiction movies like Matrix to show how it might not be just a possibility.

But are we not 'already' controlled by machines? Be it the alarm clock, the i-pod, the laptop, the air-conditioner, the motor-vehicles or the cell-phone. Right from the moment we get up to the moment we get back to sleep, we constantly interact with different forms of technology. Now the real question; can we live without them?

Imagine your life without any 'one' of the things that you own and value. Do you think it would be the same? So, aren't we already under the control of the 'army of gadgets'? If one thing breaks down, our life comes to a halt. Now, if we were to assume that the gadgets were little more intelligent, can't we conclude that they do it on purpose ? This reminds me of the Murphy's law

If anything can go wrong, it will

Coming back to the real scenario, it would be worth considering our dependence on technology around us.Imagine a day without your favourite tools and gadgets around you, and share with us how it would be?

Why we can(not) change the world ?

All of us have had those sudden ideas that could revolutionize how we live; could significantly change how we live, but how many of us have actually got a head start on that idea.

Every morning I (and I'm sure many of the readers) plan to get up 3 hours prior to their first appointment, hoping to get done with a lot of pending tasks and give the day a great start. But everyday, I hit the snooze button until its just 5 minutes to the first thing that I must do; long story short, laziness and procrastination prevent me from becoming the NEXT BIG THING in this universe.

But isn't that true for everyone or for that matter, isn't 'laziness' the cause of half the problems of the world we live in? Disagree? Lets take some examples. Each one of us would like to save water, coal, electricity and what not, but what prevents us? Laziness; laziness to get up and switch off the lights; laziness to turn off the tap that is flowing gallons of water; laziness to walk to the market instead of driving till there. And these are just the most conspicuous effects of the greatest possible sin of mankind. Think of that assignment you have been procrastinating for weeks or the backlog on the mails or that cooking class we all intend to join or that exercise schedule that you postpone by one day 'each' morning. Some call it lack of will, I call it laziness; and I doubt there's much of a difference between the two.

But lets not deny the virtues of 'laziness'. This can be aptly summarized by the following quote

All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness.

The above words by Mark Kennedy explain why its not all that bad to be lazy at times. Also, in the words of the famous author Agatha Christie

I don't think necessity is the mother of invention. Invention, in my opinion, arises directly from idleness, possibly also from laziness - to save oneself trouble.

So after all, laziness is like a double-edged sword, the moment you lose control over it, you risk your own life. And that is as true as it gets.

So with that lesson learnt, go grab a cup of coffee (or tea if you prefer) and then lets get cracking. Talking about procrastination won't help (neither you nor me), so I thought I could share some links that might help to counter it : -

1. Top 10 motivation boosters and procrastination killers
2. The Now Habit : Overcoming Procrastination, Enjoying Guilt-Free Play
3. Getting things done with structured procrastination

PS : This post itself came out after a lot of procrastination; and finally it was idleness (or avoiding other more important tasks on the to-do list) that got me working on this.

A computer as my brain !!!

All through my life, I've understood brain as nothing more than a 'super-duper' computer. But as things happen and life gets more complicated, the 'basic' understanding seems so wrong.

How I wish the brain was a computer? Why do I think so, following are the reasons :-

1. It would be possible to 'clearly' enunciate all the thoughts in the mind (in technical jargon, all the processes running) and pick out the ones you would like to eliminate.

2. Your brain would be rendered incapable of playing tricks on your while you were sleeping by introducing thoughts and ideas that only use the 'processor' power and yield no outcome at all.

3. There would be an option to 'erase' memories; you could erase that you dislike or that cause a conflict with other 'memories' and thoughts.

4. Thoughts/memories once erased need not POP-UP and it would be impossible to relate to something you don't want, no matter how much one forces you to.

5. One could achieve a more 'emotionless' state and not get attached to every other thing or person in this life, making things so much more simpler and making life all about survival WITHOUT PURPOSE.

6. One would feel no pain, physical or psychological.

7. It would be easier for anyone else to look into a person and understand his state, and hence would resolve a lot of communication gaps.

Well, most of the 'advantages' listed above could easily be overpowered by something like a virus, but here I'm talking about more secure systems, preferably GNU/Linux based systems. ;-)

In any case, such a situation is entirely a DREAM, which itself is a concept of the mind, and would be absent from something that resembles a computer. Dream, a concept which can be as lethal as it is beautiful.

As can be seen in the small discussion above, this brain of mine just doesn't know what it wants and that is the 'worst' and the 'best' part of this exceptional piece of work. What do you guys think would be the advantages or disadvantages of having a computer instead of a brain ?

final GOODBYE

Each night I go to bed cursing you;
But wake up in the morning with hopes anew,
With desire and expectations of seeing you.
However, I end the day feeling ignored by you.


I'vent said anything, and neither have you
But I've always thought that there was no need to
Now, I've but one thing to say
" Please leave me alone and find another heart to stay. "